Virtual Brush Box

End of the Month Commentary: Identity

I am clearly conflicted on my handling of personal details. My blog isn’t titled First Name Last Name dot com. I find myself reluctant to use my name or yodel on about where I live. Yet, my name is a byline on every writing clip. With that, archived author bios on Google show where I live. It’s hardly the witness protection program around here.

Paranoia
And yet, I do worry about unspecified Internet crazies storming my real or virtual driveway. I read one story about an Internet stalker [Meeting a Troll, summary on Gawker] and decide that the Internet is a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Such is the power of the story that it freaks me out even if it might not be true [point, counterpoint]. If this specific evil did not happen, a similar evil could happen, and furthermore will happen to me. I whip myself into a frenzy despite the fact that no reader has given me the slightest cause for alarm. Everyone has been universally polite, supportive, and interesting. We listen to anecdotes and ignore the statistical risk. Just because I recognize the silliness of this behavior doesn’t mean I can stop doing it.

Protection
My childhood was lovely but hardly carefree. I grew up in Manhattan. The earliest rules I remember involved when to cross a street to avoid getting squashed by a taxi, why not to go into Central Park at night, and how to recognize the dangerous and crazy among us. In any big city, 99% of the residents are perfectly decent human beings. However, in a city of 7 million, 1% is 70,000 people, one of whom might be next to you in a crowd.

I think not being forward with specifics is my reflexive equivalent of not meeting the eyes of the person sitting across from me on the subway. The lessons you learn young never leave you.

Content
But mainly, I’m not used to thinking of my identity as a part of the story. When I write an article with training tips from a Big Name Rider or barn advice from a Recognized Expert, the only name the readers want to hear is that of the subject. My name appears in the byline and on the check. The only two people who care about that are myself and the editor.

Sure, I buy Car & Driver when John Phillips writes an article, but who else other than writers read bylines or photo credits?

How do you address identity on the Internet?

That Moment

Jumpers don’t have it. Dressage waits too long. Hunters have it but don’t care.

In jumpers, you know your results as soon as you cross the finish line. After a dressage test, you have to wait until the judges sheets are collected, the marks computed, and the scores finally posted on a wall outside of the show office. In a hunter flat class, the results are announced in the ring, but by that time you’ve already ridden in two jumping classes and the ribbons for the hack are an interesting afterthought.

In a Quarter Horse western pleasure class, Arabian costume class, or a saddleseat Academy Equitation Adult Walk-Trot class, the line-up is the last activity. After the horses and riders go both ways around the ring, after any individual tests have been performed, after last looks have been taken, horses and riders stand in line waiting for the results to be announced.

You let out a little sigh of relief. You pat your horse’s neck. You loosen just a trifle from a formal show pose. You sweat. You walk your horse in a circle if he refuses to stand. The judge has signed the class card and handed it to the runner who has handed it to the announcer. You are suspended in a vacuum.

Will the number they call out first be the one on your back? The number that you so carefully memorized before a friend pinned the piece of plastic or cardboard to your shirt, vest, jacket?

You might win. You outclass your competition by a visible margin. You made no mistakes. You won last week. However, if the judge has been replaced by a random number generator, you could lose.

You might lose. Your horse threw a fit in the second direction. You had to stop by squashing him into a corner. You forgot how to post to the trot. However, if your competition had an even worse day, if the judge was looking the other way, you could win.

The line-up is brief but interminable. You exist in two states at once. If you won, your riding was brilliant strategy. If you lost, you need to reevaluate. Until the results are announced, your performance is both at the same time. You tell yourself that your horse went well and that you will be pleased with any result. You lie. You hope to be gracious in victory. You promise to be sporting in defeat.

And the winner is …

Foto Friday: Trees & Water

Off Topic: Foto Freebie

Since the designer is giving away the image for free, I have assumed that he will not mind my snurching it in order to show you what is available for download from Pixtus. On the page, scroll down for low & hi res.

The Photography Cheat Sheet

If you know these already, I envy you. My amazing in-house IT department printed & laminated a color copy for me. I’m hoping this will help me finally get my camera off the automatic setting this year.

Other Writing: USDF Connection March 2013

“Behind the Scenes: Fox Village Dressage Software”
March 2013
USDF Connection
United States Dressage Federation

A short interview with a computerized show-database specialist. (Okay, how do I write that sentence to make it clear that the database is computerized, not the specialist? #English be hard.)

Update. Article on the company website: What’s New

Service to Reader: Horse Comics

As with the annual calendar of national competitions [post & page], all comics from this post and comments will be consolidated into a page for future reference, see Pages on sidebar. The first two comics are by artist I have worked with. The rest are in no particular order.

Fergus the Horse. Fergus is drawn by Jean Abernethy, the brilliant illustrator for part of Back to Eventing and all of Back to Riding. Illustrator has to be an even tougher gig than artist. I would send her 500 words of blather, without a single concrete noun to be found. She would send back an image that exactly captured what I was attempting to say. The whole experience was so amazing that, if I ever write a book, I will argue to the furthest extent of my contractual ability for said book to be illustrated.

Horse Life. I tried to continue with illustrations for Rodney’s Saga but stumbled at the realization that daily works much differently than monthly. Well, duh. I contacted several artists but gave up after the first. Through no fault of the artist! I couldn’t figure out what I wanted. Posts with illustrations from Sara Light-Waller: Big Bad Bunny, Massage Master Class, Horse Dreams, That Other Horse, When I was a Colt I Served A Term.

More Comics

The Idea of Order

NickerDoodles

Horsetastic!

Dark Side of the Horse

Not, alas, Dark Horse Comics. The links show up all over a Google search but DHC is not equine.

What horse comics have you found out in the ether?
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Barn cat turf wars. Round to Arthur.

Spring Whine

The bad tooth is out [Hi], Rodney might be turning a corner [Update], and I’ve been to a horse show [Report]. I haven’t whined at you for days, weeks even. Time to fix that.

As you might expect from my record, the fussing is about Third Horse and shopping for same. The past week has included a video of a Saddlebred from the state next door, which qualifies as close around here (thank you), an offer to search while on vacation (thank you), and a notice of an Anglo-Appaloosa in my state (thank you). In each case, my initial response has been a delightful mixture of dread and ennui. What’s up with that?

Rodney. I don’t want another horse, I want Rodney? Sounds good but doesn’t feel right. Even if Rodney had won the AEC the last three years running, there is no reason I could not have a second horse going. A while back, I interviewed a upper-level rider whose work schedule meant that she could not ride one day out of three. She wanted to be at the barn every day. However, she admitted that her horse might not have benefited from her constant, undivided attention. Rodney would certainly appreciate another horse to share the load and take the pressure off.

ASB. I love the idea of competing an American Saddlebred in a non-saddleseat arena. We would inspire gasps of amazement as we galloped across disciplines winning everything in sight. Unfortunately for me, a horse with talent & attitude to achieve this also makes a mighty nice saddleseat mount. Some sellers are using the Sport Horse/Hunter Pleasure label as a way to offload less-than-quality horses. Rather like people who don’t know dressage will think. ‘This horse isn’t athletic enough to jump. We can sell him as a dressage horse.’

Time. I have none. I have no idea why. My declining performance at the show convinced me that I really need to get fit. Rodney will need eons of long, slow work, probably involving daily double sessions. Mathilda continues to be a time sink. I want to stay with the saddleseat lessons. Still, this hardly qualifies as an overburdened schedule. It’s not as if I have an 80-hour-a-week job or 2-year-old triplets clogging my days. With fewer naps and less Internet, I should be able to work in another horse.

Doubt. Am I wasting everyone’s time looking for a horse who doesn’t exist? A horse who is calm enough to ease me back into riding regularly yet spirited enough to be interesting a year from now. A horse who is talented enough to be competitive but so not talented as to come trailing a string of zeros in her price tag. A horse who is old enough to be ready to go, but young enough that the geriatric years are not just around the corner. Seriously, I have such a plenitude of personal baggage I should be shopping for a mule train.

I want to stop the carousel right where I am. I want to consolidate the progress I have made so far. However, life works better if one embraces change rather than attempting to defend against it. So, I will continue to look, even if I have to drag myself kicking & screaming.
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