Riding
“Buck up, Sissy Pants.” Dr. Beverly Hofstadter.
(I want you to imagine an illustration of a caterpillar looking at its feet.)
Despite saying I wasn’t gonna … [Taking A Hunter Break]
… I scheduled a lesson. [Back In The Saddle, Saddle Seat Style]
One. Looking at second week without riding. I hadn’t realized Rodney was planning to be such a gentlehorse of leisure this winter.
Two. In effort to look for answers, scheduling a lesson gave me a chance to examine the process. [Mindset Monday, Nevermind]
Short, Short Version
Didn’t learn anything new. Went as expected. Not meltdown at Nationals, but not good. [Show Report, of a sort, NACHS 2015]
Note 1. Doing okay with Rodney at the moment. Probably because a) not doing much & b) can take time, walk, get off if not right. Whatever, I’ll take it.
Note 2. Although this was occurring in the before times, living through a global pandemic certainly does not help cultivate serenity of mind.
Short Version
Arranged lesson Wednesday evening for following Friday. Spent Thursday in low-key dread, leading to …
Friday morning. Standing at mounting block. Stomach in knots. Concerned that Dottie will motor off as soon as I get on. Not misbehave in anyway but not stand quietly while I sort myself out. [Sam I Am]
Get on.
Actually, I start to get on, realize I haven’t done my tie-downs, step back to do so, readdress the mounting block, at which point, the distraction peppermint has been consumed.
Where was I?
I get on.
Dottie jazz walks out of the barn. We are halfway to the ring before I can get my second stirrup.
I’m fine with it.
There you have it. One moment, I’m a hot mess. 30 seconds later, I’m on the horse and it’s all good.
???????
Afterwards, I pondered what I had learned. This is what I came up with:
Me: 36 hours of stressing before a lesson. Shows will be geometrically worse. No sign that anything will improve. Not sure I want to live that way.
Also me: You know, if I do two of the three local, summer shows, I could probably climb onto the tag end of the year-end awards.
I have no explanation. I’m as mystified as you are.
Onwards!
Katherine
Virtual Brush Box 
May I dare suggest professional help?
You take excellent care of the horses but the cobbler’s children go barefoot, in this case, the cobbler.
Professional help still on the table, just delayed.