Lunching With Lola

Despite being a diva, Lola is unsure about having her picture taken.
Despite being a diva, Lola is unsure about having her picture made.
On Monday, I went out to brush on and have a chat with Lola. I want to get to know her better in preparation for blowing everyone’s doors off in SC.

Logic dictates that knowing a horse on the ground would help riding the horse, no? However, there are certainly elite grooms who do not ride at the level of their uber-talented charges. Also, a rider can compete successfully out of a valet-service barn, without having the slightest clue of what happens under the hood. I read about a Big Name Horse whose rider described him one way, yet his groom described a completely different horse.

In my own life, I successfully groomed Crazy Jumper Mare for years before I was able to pilot her. With Previous Horse, I was sufficiently assertive on the ground but melted into a push-over in the saddle.

Still, it can’t hurt.

The biggest problem? Having “Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets … ” from Damn Yankees and “Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl …” from Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana” cavorting in my head as dueling earworms.
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Stepping Stone barn cat
Stepping Stone barn cat

Translator Needed

At the South Carolina show, I will be riding Lola, a ~16 h, chestnut, ASB mare. She is dainty, well-trained, and clear about what she wants. However, between her saddleseat accent and her mare accent, I don’t always understand what she is saying. Occasionally, I find myself inexplicably at the wrong gait or headed off in the wrong direction, i.e. toward the middle of the ring.

In contrast, Sam speaks saddleseat but with such a broad school-horse accent that I have no trouble understanding him. That doesn’t mean I can always ride him correctly. For example, he may be saying, ‘You messed up so I’m not cantering any longer, thank you very much.’

I have ridden amazing mares. When I showed Tory [BTDT: Hot Buttons] in the jumper ring, it was easy. We did it her way. In the event at which I rode Priney [photo], we did it my way until she realized that what we were doing was fun, then she took over. Negotiation was not necessary in either case.

Google has two versions of the popular saying:

You tell a gelding, you ask a mare, but you discuss it with a stallion.

or

Tell a gelding, ask a stallion, discuss it with a mare.

Either way – asking or discussing – requires a mental adjustment for a rider who has mainly spoken gelding. Any tips on reaching an understanding with a mare?
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GPK Josephine 1
Josephine fell asleep with her tongue out. Click photo for larger version.

A Few Steps Forward

This week I took Rodney for a hand walk to the end of the pasture and back. On the way out, he registered concern about gremlins in the woods. A few verses of Soft Kitty solved the problem. On the way back, he decided to be obstreperous. The conversation ran thusly:

R: I wanna charge back to the barn.
Me: No.
R: Why?
Me: Because I said so.
R: Okay. [Pause for a stride or two.] I wanna charge back to the barn.

Repeat for the length of the pasture. For the last two years he has essentially been sitting on the couch watching reruns. He sees no reason to go back to work.

This, Ladies & Gentlemen, is enormous progress. Not scoring a walk halfway around our own field. That’s just embarrassing. Victory is that I was able to turn his actions into a coherent story. Whether the story is real or anthropomorphic fantasy does not matter. I was able to use it to form an effective response. This is not something I have been able to do with him in the past.

Walking next to 17.1 hands of jaw-crossing, neck-curving, on-the-muscle fussiness worries me not. You wish to be rude? Bring it on. Previous Horse was five inches shorter but fiendishly quick. He was never evil but could be mean. As a bonus, he had arrogance to make a test pilot look meek. I dealt with him for 20 years. In comparison, my kindly giraffe, your attempt at attitude is a snowman’s fart in a blizzard.
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Foto Friday: Sun Over the Roofline

The Sunday Stills for this week was “Sunrises/Sunsets…. With a Building.” A tricky shot since my barn is too ugly for public consumption. It is a cheap tin building that has become old & decrepit without becoming scenically so. The horse areas have been remodeled and are safe. The rest is better out of sight. So, a profile/shadow shot was in order.

FoFri sun roof

Does Dressage Need Golf Handicaps?

In her post, Our Responsibility To Dressage Judges, Bonnie Walker says that

There has been much talk about placing a different standard of testing for the adult amateur versus the professional …

Wtf? Seriously? Incidentally, Ms. Walker does not approve

… and I am against this. While my sympathies lie with the AA who gets slammed at a show THERE IS A REASON. It is not as though your judge sees you enter the ring all doe-eyed and adorable and grins with malice.

With Previous Horse, I spent many years in hunter/jumper land. It always seemed to me that the amateurs were regarded with a faint air of condescension. Necessary as cash cows but not quite real riders. (Yes, I was an amateur. Yes, it reflects my insecurities. Doesn’t mean I’m wrong.) Now a group of folks are volunteering to enter into that arrangement?

In case, I am being too subtle, I am whole-heartedly against easing of standards. If you want respect as a rider, go out and earn it. In addition, it’s not as simple as professionals vs. amateurs. Compare an amateur rider supported by a well-off family to a professional who teaches 14 beginner lessons and then rides his competition horse by headlights. I know where my sympathies lie.

If we must take action to appease folks, I offer this suggestion, courtesy of Hubby:

Rider Handicaps for Dressage

Here’s how I see it working. Judges proceed normally. Raw scores are posted in one column. Next to it is a multiplier based on experience, previous wins, past scores, what-have-you. Ribbons are award based on the adjusted score. As you improve, your handicap at that level goes down, discouraging riders from dwelling at a certain level. A ride at a new level gets a bigger handicap, cutting riders a bit of slack, inviting people to move up. The multiplier would be small enough to adjust for the halo effect without covering egregious errors in riding. While this would have been a bear 20 years ago, computers could be programmed to input the handicap along with other rider data.

Exceptions could be made. Raw scores could be used for qualifiers, or moving up, or whatever. Upper levels &/or bigger shows would not allow handicaps. After all, if you aren’t a scratch rider, what are you doing there?

A lot more math needs to be done, but the basic idea is on any given day, every rider has a chance to win the class. Golf does it. Hubby’s crew regattas do it. Horse racing is built on it. There is no inherent reason handicapping wouldn’t work.

What think you? Ask your friends. Post the link on forums and bulletin boards. I hereby invite the Internet firestorm telling me why this is a horrible idea.