I’ve given up hoping for a turning point with Rodney. Oh, I still wish for a sudden explosion of fairy dust that will have
us hopping him carting me over 3′ 6″ with aplomb. But I don’t live my life waiting for it. He is who he is.
So we putt along.
I was a hot mess [Turning Point]. Then Rodney arrived and made it worse [Square One]. I grew unable to speak up. I lost all confidence in my decisions. My wonderful, kind, supportive groundcrew would suggest I do X, Y, or Z with Rodney. I didn’t have the will to say no, even if the idea made me uncomfortable. He was right. I really should be able to do X or Y or even Z. So, I’d do it, i.e. walk around the ring several times. It would go okay, but I’d be tentative. I’d be waiting for it all to go wrong.
Lately, I have been getting more assertive, mainly with myself. Yes, I should be able to do Y or Z. For now, we will do X. That’s all. Even if X means standing at the mounting block for a few minutes. For now, I am only doing what I feel secure about.
I’m also getting more assertive with Rodney. Yes, I know you prefer a hackamore. I don’t. You have not earned the cred. Therefore, you will wear a bit. Deal with it. Ditto, putting your head down by your knees. You need to convince me that you are acting out of relaxation rather than stress. Until then, head up & pay attention.
Will it last? Will it lead to progress? Time will tell.
Thank you for reading,