I hate the screamy voices in my head.
When I am idle, they take me to task for sloth [A Look Inside]. When I’m busy, they yell at me for being busy with the wrong things.
Now that I have the delightful task of juggling three barns and three disciplines, I have been doing very little else. No fire calls. No zoo volunteer work. No LEGO club meetings. Some is for reasons; nothing mysterious, mostly pondering my utility. Some is endurance; a 30-minute lesson takes me out for the rest of the day. Some is distance; because of where we choose to live, a two-hour shift at the zoo ties up a disproportionately larger chunk of time.
I’ve said that the voices can be helpful:
That screaming voice in your head is the only thing keeping you from making an even bigger idiot of yourself than you already do. [The Upside Of Negativity].
That’s still true, but my voices have a tendency to go beyond their remit. ‘Is this your life now? Poncing about playing with ponies? Where is the community service? Where is the dedication to a cause larger than yourself? How do you justify the space you take up on the planet?’
Why are we so mean to ourselves? I would never address a fellow human in such terms.
Thank you for reading,