Courses For Horses

Have you ever wondered how your horse knows how to get along with people? Simple, he learned it in school. Through diligent research, we have obtained a peek at an equine course catalog:

The Top 12 Most Popular Courses in Horse School

Hydrodynamics – Calculating just the right angle to hold your head so the water runs down the arm of the person holding the hose.
Geography – How to locate a hose in one easy step. Companion class to hydrodynamics.

Nutrition – Identifying the most expensive hay and grain by taste.

First Aid – Lost shoes, bug bites on the saddle area, how to maximize time off with minimum inconvenience to yourself.
Time Management – Read a calendar or show prize list and know when to go lame. Companion class to First Aid.
Advanced Time Management – The meaning of the words Championship and Year-End Final.

Public Relations – Identifying and sucking up to the one who writes the checks.

English – Picking out key words such as “carrot” and “Alpo” in human chatter.
English Seminar – Does ‘Whoa Dammit’ ever really apply?

Zoology – How to detect the sign of lions hiding behind common stable objects.

Psychology – Using well-timed whinnies and soulful looks to rebuild your credit balance.

Art – Mud as performance art.

[List originally appeared in Hunter & Sport Horse, January/February 2002, as a guest “Top 12”. Reprinted with permission of the author b/c the author is going to spend the major part of her day driving back & forth for a mid-day patient check.]

BTW, yesterday’s title was a mistake. I now have a Mellencamp earworm. (Today’s public service message. Googling “brain worm” is NOT a good idea.)

What was your horse’s major?

One thought on “Courses For Horses

  1. Ouch. I had a friend who had a brain worm once. I wouldn’t want to see that on my computer screen. And, tidbit of the day, would you like to know what German speakers call an “ear worm?” Ohr-Wurm, or “ear worm.” Yes, we say it the same, weird way.

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