Have you ever wondered how your horse knows how to get along with people? Simple, he learned it in school. Through diligent research, we have obtained a peek at an equine course catalog:
The Top 12 Most Popular Courses in Horse School
Hydrodynamics – Calculating just the right angle to hold your head so the water runs down the arm of the person holding the hose.
Geography – How to locate a hose in one easy step. Companion class to hydrodynamics.
Nutrition – Identifying the most expensive hay and grain by taste.
First Aid – Lost shoes, bug bites on the saddle area, how to maximize time off with minimum inconvenience to yourself.
Time Management – Read a calendar or show prize list and know when to go lame. Companion class to First Aid.
Advanced Time Management – The meaning of the words Championship and Year-End Final.
Public Relations – Identifying and sucking up to the one who writes the checks.
English – Picking out key words such as “carrot” and “Alpo” in human chatter.
English Seminar – Does ‘Whoa Dammit’ ever really apply?
Zoology – How to detect the sign of lions hiding behind common stable objects.
Psychology – Using well-timed whinnies and soulful looks to rebuild your credit balance.
Art – Mud as performance art.
[List originally appeared in Hunter & Sport Horse, January/February 2002, as a guest “Top 12”. Reprinted with permission of the author b/c the author is going to spend the major part of her day driving back & forth for a mid-day patient check.]
BTW, yesterday’s title was a mistake. I now have a Mellencamp earworm. (Today’s public service message. Googling “brain worm” is NOT a good idea.)
What was your horse’s major?