Talking Back To The Voices In My Head

Last weekend, I rode five horses. On Saturday, we took Milton to Stepping Stone Farm. Coach Courtney had me sit on a new-to-me horse for a quick spin, I had a lesson on Joanie, Miss Courtney & Husband Greg long-lined Milton, then I walked Milton around the property, including a brave & adventurous lap around the pond. On Sunday, I rode Milton briefly to get the oil moving and then rode Rodney. That was, of course, way cool. My point here is what happened later, with my interior monologue.

Me: I rode five horses this weekend.
Voice inside my head that talks me down/wants me to keep it real: Some of those rides where pretty short.
Me: I rode five horses.
Voice: …

Me: I rode five horses this weekend.
Voice: Some of those rides, you didn’t do much.
Me: I rode FIVE horses.
Voice: …

Me: I rode five horses this weekend.
Voice: You didn’t get much else done.
Me: FIVE.
Voice: …

Plunking my ass down in five saddles in two days was a concrete event that my mind could neither belittle nor dismiss. I don’t usually score such a complete victory over the voices.

(Although, “victory” is an overly oppositional concept. Such voices are also me. They are the part of me that will say anything to keep me by the safety of the fire and prevent me from venturing out of the cave: fearful, cautious, certain, and short-term. But I digress. That is theory for another day. Meanwhile I! Rode! Five! Horses!)

Thank you for reading,
Katherine Walcott