Whither Now?

Boot camp is over. Nationals 2015 is done & dusted. What next?

Part of my meltdown in Tennessee [Report] came from nerves. I’m nervous before a lesson. I’m nervous before my classes at a show. I’m nervous even thinking about riding my own horses. I am so damn tired of being nervous.

Therefore, for a while, I am stepping away from things that make my stomach hurt. I will stay with lessons. They get me out of the house. But I’ll drop back to weekly and I’ll ask for Sam [Text Art] when I can. I’ll probably show. I’m still me. Plus, winter shows are more laid-back.

The home team? I’m not doing anything I don’t want to do. Fuck it. Fuck the voices in my head. I’ll sit on Rodney if I want to. Or, we’ll stand around watching Milton work. Rodney loves to get pats while someone else sweats. As for Milton, we’ll do groundwork and clicker training. I’ll ease toward getting a cowboy on him, but that will require a truck. We’ve been truck shopping off and on since 2012 [Shopping]. I don’t see wheels happening overnight.

If this means I become a horsepetter, well then, I shall be the best horsepetter I am capable of being.

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