Do We Even Know What Is Good For Us?

new horse. I’m convinced it will revitalize my life. What if I’m wrong?

Part of the momentum behind my epic, two-year tailspin with Rodney is that he was brought on as a solution. At that point, my life, in a word, sucked. A few bits were okay, but many sectors of my life were floating at the top of the tank. Nothing that doesn’t happen every day, but they happened to me and they happened all at once. I couldn’t use B to distract myself from A, while trying to adjust to C at the same time.

So, I would throw money at a big, fancy horse and submerge my pain under a pile of blue acetate. Even if we ignore the superficial & materialist elements of that plan, it wasn’t a long shot. An active competition horse would give me a reason to drag myself out of the house on a daily basis, expose me to like-minded people at lessons & shows, and give the screaming monkeys new poo to fling. If nothing else, riding would wear me out. Never underestimate exhaustion as a distraction from angst. Instead, Rodney brought a whole host of new reasons to ratchet up the anxiety & self-doubt, while still leaving me time to gnaw on old bones.

Was it fair to expect any horse to solve all my problems then? Is it fair to expect so now? I remember being happy with a horse to ride. What if my memory is faulty? Perhaps I am selectively remembering the few moments of harmony and repressing the numerous frustrating days of bad weather, bad footing, &/or bad riding. What if I get a horse & nothing changes? What if I’m simply at a point in my life where I’m cranky and grumpy about everything, new horse included? Human nature has been known to seek false solutions or crave that which is not good for us.

OTOH, I have been continuously involved with horses for 35 years, and intermittently prior to that. People who love me & have my best interests at heart believe that a new horse would make me happy. Hubby is convinced that my having a useful horse would make his life immeasurably better. I see no way forward other than to get a horse & find out if that was the answer. Still, it’s a question worth asking.

When you got what you wanted, did it help?
Gratuitous Kitten Pic

4 thoughts on “Do We Even Know What Is Good For Us?

  1. Hm. Tough one. I don’t think depending on a new horse to be the thing to make you happy is a good idea. It might be a short term fix, but if you are depending on a horse for happiness, the horse is going to disappoint you – it will go lame, it will fail to perform, it will colic or do in its suspensory in stupid pasture accident and be out of the game for life.

    Not to go completely off on a tangent, but I’ll analogize to people who think that being in a relationship will bring them happiness. It can’t really. The only thing that can bring you happiness is finding it inside of you … once people realize that, and then find a person to share their happiness, they can find a solid relationship. Expecting someone else to bring you happiness is a recipe for divorce.

    I think separating the new horse and your happiness are pretty critical. Getting a new horse feels like a sensible, healthy thing for you to do because you are a horse person, have the resources to support the horse and want to compete. So long as you don’t pin your happiness on that, why not?

    As for the happiness thing, well, I think it’s a different problem that needs to be addressed at a deeper level than buying a new …fill in the blank …

  2. What Ellen said. And I’ll also add that a much unrecognized (ignored?) symptom of middle age (menopause) is difficulty making big decisions. Over the last five years I’ve gotten myself into hot water more than a few times and without a doubt I can trace most of my poor judgement calls back to this. I recently sat down and had myself a serious little “What the hell is WRONG with me?” chat. I’ve never doubted my decisions or choices in the past, then suddenly I was waffling all over the place! I’d want something, get it, then question why I even wanted it in the first place? Ug! The good news is that the indecision and poor judgement gets better. The bad news is that until it does, you might find yourself roped to a couple of things you’d never in a million years consider otherwise. Also, as time goes on you get better at living with and even laughing at your follies. Hence, the origin of the cliche: It’s all good!

  3. a new horse might really help in one part of your life. and that might rub off on some other parts of your life. or buy a pony like Priney – altho there will ever only be one of her – and just bob around. get silly with it for a while. and send me some pix of your legs hanging below its belly, lol!

  4. I agree with Ellen. Also–everything passes, and you have been doing really healthy stuff to get through this “bog of despond”. Something good waits on the other side (in my not-so-humble opinion).

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