A Spy’s Grooming Tote, Fiction

Words

Dear (CLASSIFIED):

You will be infiltrating the (CLASSIFIED) compound as a stable hand. Therefore, we have equipped you with grooming tools that can also be used for defense/offense. All tools are employable for their original purpose. This should help you get them past security. If you can’t talk a box of brushes past a bunch of security guards, you aren’t the spy we think you are.

The technical capacities are fingerprint locked. This way, should another stable hand inadvertently pick up a brush, they won’t stab themselves. Still, please keep track of all items, both for your safety and our bottom line. Will expect an accounting for all equipment during your post-mission debriefing.

Also, remember that you will need a few moments to engage the mechanisms. Please plan your mayhem accordingly.

Assist to our operative D&T for suggesting the hoofpick as a weapon. [Ultimate]

Audio Curry Combs. Place one comb over each ear. This will create a long-distance receiver that should enable you to pick up sounds up to half a mile away.

Doom Dandy Brush. The long bristles camouflage the blade of a jackknife. It can be used alone or combined with the handle of the brush to form a short sword.

Compact Computer Finishing Brush. Wooden back of the large brush flips open to reveal wireless screen and keyboard.

Flying Hoofpick of Death. Handle is counter weighted. Tossing the hoofpick at speed end-over-end will create a single-bladed ninja throwing star.

Jet Box. The bottom of the box contains a small jet propulsion unit. Turn the box upside down. Engage jet. Hang by the handle. This will carry you a short distance. While it is not strong enough for sustained flight, the jet will get you across a wide gap or control a descent from height, such as the upper floors or roof of a building.

Pitchfork Dart Gun. Tines can be launched one at a time or all at once in a burst.

Broom Shield. Bristles will spread out in a circle to form an electro-ion barrier that will deflect fists, knives, and small-caliber bullets.

Signed,
Your friends from the end of the alphabet