Driving Thursday
Q is for Que Pasa. If you are joining me from Blogging A To Z, welcome! Since the blog is already daily, with topics for each day [About: Schedule], there is no specific A To Z theme. I may even skip a few letters. Gasp. Clutch the pearls. The goal for this year is less crazy, more visiting. [Ze State of Ze Blog 2014]
~~~
Warning: more whining. Mostly because I can’t think of anything else to go with Q. The photo from the show has not arrived to be used for Driving Thursday & Quite The Dude.
I’m having trouble shaking off my poor performance at the show earlier this month [Report]. It’s not that I placed badly. I hope I’m more evolved than that. (Oh, I wouldn’t rule out going behind the barn and kicking the wall a few times.) It’s that I rode so badly. Not only that, but I worked really hard in the weeks before the show to be that bad on the day. I just don’t know what I’m doing out there.
Plus, I was miserable most of the weekend: tears, insomnia, stomach aches. The nerves trifecta. I’m reaching the level of Why am I doing this to myself. To be clear, the nerves still aren’t following me into the ring. So there’s that. While I did ride and drive defensively, I was not the hot mess I am before I get on.
Yes, Rodney is starting to go better. Will it ever be enough to make up for the enormous amount of time I have wasted to date?
My point? No point. I will get over myself, probably sooner rather than later. Onwards!
Thank you for reading,
Katherine Walcott
Virtual Brush Box 
My least favorite lesson was the one a few weeks back (OK, maybe a month now) where I sat on my horse at the end and cried. Why? Because I want. I want, I want, I want. And who would have thought that six years later I still wouldn’t have it? What is the elusive “it”? Oh, on that day the list was long. Half me, half my horse ( I know, not fair. It should be all me). I want to be a better rider. I want to be a better communicator. I want to be a better partner for my horse. I want to chase (mental) perfection less. I want the horse relaxed, collected, supple, balanced …. blah, blah, blah. And my coach, bless her heart, after she got over the shock of seeing me cry (yes, it’s a rare occasion), gently reminded me of all the progress we’ve made in a year. She reminded me there’s no rush. She reminded me this is a life-long journey for both horse and rider. She reminded me to think about the bigger picture. In the scope of things we HAVE made progress. Yes, I still want, and now I see that some days the “want” that drives the bus is going to take over and careen a bit out of control. The trick is to keep that trip short, then grab the wheel and get right back on track. 🙂
“I want” instead of “I have.” Yes. So much yes.
What we want, and chase so hard, is to be better. “… better rider … better communicator … better partner for my horse.” These should be good things to pursue, shouldn’t they? And yet, we make ourselves – or at least I do – crazy in the pursuit.