Haven’t I Been Here Before?
Just when I thought I had no heart left to break.
Not to worry, no new drama. After drafting a post about saddles [Saddlephobia], we were inspired to try Rodney again. Just to see where we were. He flinched and spooked during carrot stretches. He bucked and tossed his head lunging over jumps. Both of these reactions indicate pain. I fell back my familiar, hopeless, despairing tailspin [Aftermath]. Progress is an illusion. Progress with Rodney doubly so.
My endless, epic melancholy is partly due the utter disappointment with how Rodney has turned out. Rodney was my mid-life crisis horse, that one fantastic horse I never thought I would have the opportunity to ride or to show.
Milton is nice. Milton is not stop traffic nice.
Rodney is not my heart horse. Previous Horse holds that spot. I still miss the grouchy, selfish bastard [In Defense].
With Rodney, I cherished a small, secret hope that some day, some how, some way, it would all work out. We would forge a relationship that would overcome all his doubts.
I’ll admit, I was also hoping to be bathed in vindication: stratospheric dressage scores, smooth hunter rounds, scorching jump-offs, Finish on Dressage Score/Led From Dressage events. In short, a competitive record that would make all the previous crap worthwhile.
He’s 17. He hasn’t been in work for 6 years. You’d think I would have come to terms with all of this by now. Apparently, I’m kinda dumb, or don’t let go easily.
It is time to …
Accept what is.
Be happy with what I have.
Enjoy my gorgeous lawn ornament.
Thank you for reading,