Giving Myself Permission
Went for a lesson earlier this week. It was, in technical terms, hotter than three hells. I also had a mild headache, an intermittent stomachache, and an all-over malaise. The desire to give it all up for Tiddlywinks was strong.
Hmmm. Lessons have been going well. No big shows until the middle of next month. The world would not stop turning if I skipped today. Ahhh. I sat on a tack box with my eyes closed, basking in the thought of the AC at home. As I sat, unmoving in mind and body, I realized that, yes, I would like a lesson. I was here. The covered arena would provide shade. Might even be fun. Got on. Had a excellent lesson.
Why? Partly, the Aspirin and Pepto kicked in. Partly, in giving myself permission, I took the pressure off. What I really wanted to do was ride, thank you very much.
I need to do this with my own horses. I get into a state of mind wherein if I am not pushing myself to give 110%, seven days a week, I am a failure. Such a schedule is not good training, not healthy, and not possible. It is the quick route to crazytown, witness Tuesday’s post [Hi There]. I know this. Can I change this? Ha! I just yell louder at myself.
I would never treat another person the way I treat myself.