When I Was a Colt I Served a Term

Apologies to The Rt. Hon. Sir Joseph Porter, K. C. B.

I am the monarch of the field,
The ruler of the barn’s possee,
Whose praise all horsedom loudly chants.

When on sunny days I stroll,
My bosom swells with pride,
And I swish my tail hairs at the fillies’s taunts;
But when the breezes blow,
I generally go inside,
And seek the seclusion that the indoors grants;

When I was a colt I served a term
As pony boy to an racehorse barn.
I lead the stallions and I led the mares,
And I polished off the carrots that they handed me.
I polished off the carrots so carefullee
That now I am the ruler of the barn’s possee!

As pony horse I made such a mark
That they gave me the post of a lesson horse.
I walked the ring with a smile so bland,
And I vaulted all the poles with a big round trot —
I vaulted all the poles in a trot so free,
That now I am the ruler of the barn’s possee!

In carrying the kids I made such a name
That an Pony Club horse I soon became;
I wore clean sox and a brand-new saddle
For the pass examination at the academy,
And that pass examination did so well for me,
That now I am the ruler of the barn’s possee!

Of equine knowledge I acquired such a grip
That they took me into the show horse barn.
And those show horse classes, I ween,
Were the biggest jumps that I ever had seen.
But that kind of jump so suited me,
That now I am the ruler of the barn’s possee!

I won so much that I was sent
By a bunch of ribbons into championships.
I always jumped at my rider’s call,
And I never thought of stopping at the fence at all.
I jumped so high, they rewarded me
By making me the ruler of the barn’s possee!

Now horses all, whoever you may be,
If you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If your soul isn’t fettered to the pasture life,
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule —
Stick close to the rail and never run away,
And you all may be rulers of the of barn’s possee!

Illustration by Flying Pony Studios
Original lyrics per the Victorian Web page. According to these folks,

The character of Sir Joseph Porter in terms of business background resembles that of bookseller William Henry Smith (1825-91), who had entered Parliament in 1868 and had been appointed First Lord of Admiralty in 1877, Smith having made a fortune through expanding his father’s bookselling business in the Strand by setting up railway station bookstalls and newsstands to become Britain’s biggest bookseller and newsagent.

As in WHSmith. Cool.