Trip to Tennessee, Nerves

Animals of the outside world. Scout’s Honor. Merit badges for dogs.

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I find myself uninterested in talking about my nerves at the show. [Trip to Tennessee, Show Report, Southeast Academy Championship 2025]

I lived them once, I have no desire to live them again. However, my nerves have been an ongoing issue, and I dislike it when blogs drop a story.

How did I do?
Horse show.
Away from home.
New horses at the last minute.

I was a mess.

Day Zero

Friday morning I found out that the horse I was planning to ride & drive was unavailable. I was offered two nice horses. Did I think about bailing? Not seriously, but it did occur to me that I could say no and stay home. Husband said it would be a waste of an anxiety attack.

I believe one should move toward yes. If you are not going to do X, it should be to do Y instead. Saying no and sitting like a lump didn’t sound like a great plan. I could go have an adventure. I could always say no at any point in the process.

Plus, I knew the horses. This wasn’t a wild flyer on an unknown horse. I don’t think the change ended up flustering me that much. Or at least, I was so completely flustered that the horse switch got lost in the noise.

Part of my response to Coach Courtney, “Boogie & co sound fine. (eek) Not interested in practice ride [i.e. after the Friday night session]. It is what it is at this point. Would rather leave early & get a good nights sleep. Im leaning fairly heavily on show mode carrying the day.”

Saturday Classes

Given my ability to leap on unknown horses – not! – victory was going to be getting on and getting in the ring. I could tell I was being cut a lot of slack just by showing up.

It did not help.

Friday night to Saturday morning was bad. Maybe not meltdown at Nationals bad but definitely in the top three. Trouble sleeping. Trouble eating. Missing my emotional support husband.

Got to the barns way early. At least it was more interesting than looking at my hotel room.

Hours to go.

Crying jags in the bathroom. The restrooms were near our stalls so at least the constant visits were convenient.

I paced. I watched the clock. I got dressed. I did not want to get dressed. I paced more. I worried about pacing so much and tiring myself out for four classes in a row. I sat, or I tried to sit. I finally borrowed one of the horse show moms for a hug. It helped. A bit.

My stomach is knotting up as I type this. It was not fun.

Cart rolled out. Go time.

Pep talk on the way up.

Into the cart. I was tighter than usual but I don’t remember being particularly nervous in warm-up. All I had to do was trot a horse a few times around the ring. That’s it. If I wanted be quiet and conservative, that was fine. It was just a jogging a few laps. I try not to downplay life events. In this case, focusing on the core requirements helped.

In the saddle. I made Coach Courtney promise not to be mad if I wasn’t saddle seating. If she would do that, I promised to go in and have fun.

Sunday Classes

I’m good.

Seriously, by Saturday afternoon, I was fine. All I had to do is the same thing I just did on two nice horses. What I got to be worried about?

Fine all afternoon. Rested well. Stayed fine when I got back to the show Sunday morning. There was a brief flicker when the cart was rolled out. There are always going to be a few butterflies.

Overall, a great day at a horse show.

Breezes That Blow Thru My Brain

I have thoughts about this.

Bottom line, brains are weird. My brain in particular seems prone to technicolor displays.

Brains & bodies. A contributing factor may have been that my guts coincidentally decide to get over themselves. On Saturday afternoon, my innards finally processed whatever had been bothering them. My, um, digestive residue had been closer to bird than horse. Mornings had involved multiple visits to the smallest room. Hence all the trips to the restroom on Saturday morning that were so convenient for crying jags. Suddenly, back to normal.

Speaking of stomach matters, I was so chill on Saturday night that I ate a good dinner and was able to pack in extra supplies to carry me through if my system decided not to accept food in the morning.

A positive puff of wind – when I was able to have a positive moment – was that driving came first. I could focus on that and not think about riding. Several people have commented that I am braver about driving. Could be. Mostly, I don’t care. Not the way I care about riding. I drive. I have fun. If I never do anything more than trot school horses (and honorary school horses) around the ring in lessons and pleasure classes, I’m good with that. Riding, on the other hand, I want it so badly that I get in my own way. It’s the difference between being able to reel off an art post for Sunday and being completely stymied writing fiction for Saturday. Art is an amusement. Fiction is the brass ring.

And finally, why the difference between Saturday and Sunday? The task was the same each day, and yet I reacted in polar opposites. I think – and I’m guessing here – that Saturday itself helped. I showed. I hung out at a horse show. I got to jump up and down and cheer for folks. In short, I had a good day.

I can’t say that having a wonderful and busy day calmed my brain. My brain does not do calm. I think it gave my brain something to be occupied with. It’s not good if I’m alone too much and in my head too much. Analysis is a useful skill. It becomes a problem if you can’t turn it off. When my brain doesn’t have enough to work on, it turns in on itself. Unfortunately, my brain has a high bar for what it considers positive and interesting and engaging and energizing.

Or something else totally.

That’s enough of that. Wishing us all more day twos and fewer day ones.

Onwards!
Katherine